Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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