u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
