At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
