Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
