saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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