So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
