Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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