Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
