Will you blow on my dice?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
