just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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