Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think I sprained my soul last night
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
