im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
