i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
