Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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