I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
