If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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