I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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