imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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