so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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