wanna go halves on a baby?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
