the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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