i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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