now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
