the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
