1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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