You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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