I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
