how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
