Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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