Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
