Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
