You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
