So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Less talking, more tequila
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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