Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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