it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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