I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize