Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if only i could text you this smell
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
