my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
