I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm like, not good at living.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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