just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
