Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dignity is for republicans.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Randomize
