it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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