She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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