Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
