I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
