he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
