I puked a lego.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
