i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
