I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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