I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
