new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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