I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
